Infertility & Loss: Staying Tethered to Christ During Uncertainty and Pain

Starting or expanding a family is supposed to be a time filled with excitement, anticipation, and joy – but for many, the opposite turns out to be true.

Anne and Chris Keller met and married at North Metro Church over 13 years ago. Already in their thirties, they knew they wanted to have children immediately. But they quickly faced infertility when Anne had trouble getting pregnant.

Within months, they were immersed in difficult and high-stress fertility treatments. Anne continued to struggle with conceiving, miscarrying multiple times in the process.

To make matters worse, Anne didn’t know anyone she could turn to. She joined an infertility support group through her clinic, but it wasn’t Christian-based. Without a clear emphasis on God and His role in her circumstances, Anne felt lost, angry, and confused.

“My husband and I got married later in life,” Anne says. “By that point, all my friends were married with kids. I was always last on everything and now we were dealing with infertility, too. I was bitter, envious, and depressed. People around me didn’t understand. And my biggest issue was trying to figure out where God was in all this. I felt a level of pain I had never felt before. So, I was just trying to fight through and stay connected to Him.”

Finding a Safe Space with Christian Believers
Luckily, a close friend of Anne’s invited her to an infertility support group at her church. Anne accepted and began attending meetings – and it was just what she needed. She quickly found a community that not only understood what she was going through but could also walk beside her as believers in Christ.

So, when NMC launched their own support group years later, Anne didn’t hesitate. She joined immediately, eager to help and encourage women in her home church.

“When I started treatments, I didn’t know anyone else facing infertility,” Anne says. “People in my life loved me and tried to support me, but even their best efforts didn’t help. You can only understand someone so much -unless you’ve walked in their shoes. My pain was deep and raw, and I needed a safe place to process. So, when the Infertility & Loss Support group started at NMC, I knew I needed to be involved. I wanted to give back and walk alongside others on the same journey.”

Now a group leader, Anne underscores the importance of Christian community for believers struggling through infertility and loss.

“The beauty of the Infertility & Loss Support group is we understand,” Anne says. “You can express raw emotions without fear of judgment. It’s okay to struggle in your faith. But it’s important to stay tethered to God and other believers so the devil doesn’t get a foothold in your pain and entice you to walk away. So, we pick you up when you can’t pick yourself up. We help point you back to God, no matter what you bring to the table.”

Walking Through Heartache in the Journey
However, despite finding the spiritual care and compassion she needed, Anne’s experience with infertility and loss spanned nearly a decade and was fraught with uncertainty and heartache. She emphasizes the journey is anything but easy.

While attending her first Christian support group, Anne eventually became pregnant and gave birth to her oldest son. After his arrival, Anne and Chris tried fertility treatments again, knowing their family wasn’t complete. To their despair, they were met with more devastating miscarriages and failed pregnancy attempts.

Then they pivoted and tried adoption, but over 35 expecting mothers passed over their profiles. Heartbroken, Anne, and Chris turned back to their fertility clinic one last time.
As she began her role as a support group leader at NMC, Anne became pregnant once again and gave birth to her youngest son. Anne and Chris continued to long for another child, but now in their forties, they knew time and age were not on their side.

Reluctantly, they decided to stop fertility treatments, even though they yearned to become parents one more time.

“I wish I could say I’m fully healed, but I’m not,” Anne says. “Even though my journey is over, everything isn’t magically ok. Infertility affects you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And there isn’t always a pretty bow at the end of it. For us, we will always mourn not having a third child. I’m fighting through that and growing and repairing my relationship with God. But there is a recovery period, and I’m still there. I may always be there.”

Slowly Healing with Christ and Community
Today, although they love their sons immensely and delight in their role as parents, Anne and Chris still struggle with the aftermath of infertility. The pain of multiple losses and unmet expectations continues to run deep.

But for Anne, there is also purpose in the pain. She knows the Lord is using her experience with infertility and loss to minister to others for His kingdom and His glory – while she slowly heals as well.

“With infertility and loss, you’re at the complete mercy of God,” Anne says. “It’s the most refining spiritual time I’ve ever been through. But looking back, I can see His goodness and faithfulness. He blessed me and sent people my way when I needed them most. So, I may not like what I’ve been through, but my prayer has always been that God would not let my pain go to waste. And He hasn’t. I thrive on encouraging others, and now I can be there for the next person who needs love and support.“

Most notably, Anne stresses that there’s no time limit on how long someone needs to process, grieve, or mourn – but NMC’s Infertility & Loss support group is there to help.

“Infertility and loss are exhausting and wearing,” Anne says. “It’s truly spiritual warfare. You’re in a battle for your heart, mind, body, and soul. If you’re out there suffering, please step out in faith and let us come alongside you. Don’t walk this journey alone. Whatever you feel and however long it takes, it’s okay. You’re safe and welcome here.”

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